Much has happened since I last spoke. I was hospitalized and many realizations came to me. I have discovered that when we deal with bipolar, it can play many games with you. It can play games not only with you, but also your loved ones. You don’t know if you are at a level state or if you’re just excited or maybe you’re going into mania, but only time will tell. Speaking of telling, who do you tell? Who can you trust? Do you even learn to trust after the things we go through and have experienced yet cannot express? You cannot get out of bed, but you can’t explain why. You spent too much money and you don’t understand how. I could go on forever on how this disease affects us and cripples us, but that is not what I want to focus on. What I have learned is that in order to get ANY control of bipolar you must first accept that you have it. If you do not accept it you can not learn to take care of it, to go to the doctors, to take your meds, to get adequate sleep, eat well, have good hygiene, to watch your caffeine and alcohol intake. In order to get better you must do these things and to do these things you must have acceptance. Now I am not saying that I am better or that I am cured of even that I am perfectly stable, because I am not and I may never be, but if I am okay with that then maybe I can learn to enjoy today….