Interesting days….year

I feel a bit blue today, no reason or rhyme to it. I am really very happy if I think about where I have been and what challenges I have overcome. I know it may be a contradiction, but for me it is possible. Bipolar has me down today…no energy, having a hard time getting out of bed, no appetite, and a foggy mind.  My spirits are keeping me up so I am able to function a bit today. On 6/6/12 I was admitted to the hospital. I lost my job and was at the inpatient ward for 3 weeks and then I was on an outpatient treatment program for 3 months! It was a hard time. Feeling like you are crazy for being in the hospital for a mental illness. Being treated unfairly at the hospital and not knowing how to move forward. Well when my insurance ran out and I could no longer go to the hospital that was a point where I knew I had to do something otherwise I would crash again into a horrible spiral. I kept my mind busy, being put in the hospital really changes your view on things, I tried figuring out what I really want to do in my life. I had been a successful Respiratory Therapist for over 6 years and I knew it wasn’t the field for me because I was constantly sick in the hospitals and constantly on call in the homecare field. I needed something new. I can remember wanting to be a Esthetician since I was 14, now 14 years later I have decided to go that route. My doctor didn’t want me to, he felt I needed to stay in the hospital, but I couldn’t bare another minute. So I started school in September, I went full time and it lasted for four and a half months. My days were over 18 hours long and there were days when I thought I would not make it, but I knew I had to finish it. I kept pushing forward trying to keep my health in check along the way. Now I have completed school and I can finally pursue my dreams…that is why I am happy. I decided to stop listening to my parents, the doctor, my family, my friends and myself. I just did what I knew what was best in my heart, sometimes fear is the only thing holding you back. Now guess what, my family, my doctor, my friends and myself now think it was a good decision. Sometimes you just have to swim against the current and you will find it’s exhausting, frustrating and at times you will want to give up; but once you get to your destination, you really don’t look back….you just smile and find that you are a stronger person than you ever imagined.

“If you hear a voice within you say ‘you cannot paint,’ then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.”  
~Vincent Van Gogh~